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Sometimes, Jay Spring is convinced he is “unmatched in his abilities”. As a diagnosed narcissist, his periods of extreme self-importance often turn “highly unrealistic”, he explains. You feel invincible and you’re like, ‘People will see that I surpass everyone else … I will achieve remarkable feats for the world’.”

In his case, these times of heightened ego are typically succeeded by a “crash”, where he feels overwhelmed and ashamed about his actions, rendering him particularly vulnerable to criticism from those around him. He first suspected he might have NPD after looking up his traits online – and eventually confirmed by a specialist. But, he questions he would have agreed with the assessment unless he had independently formed that conclusion personally. Should you attempt to inform somebody that they have the condition, {they’ll probably deny it|denial is a common response|they’re likely to reject it,” he comments – particularly if they experience beliefs of dominance. “They’re in a delusional world that they’ve constructed. And within that framework, I am superior and {nobody can question me|no one should doubt me|my authority is absolute.”

Clarifying NPD

Although people have been labelled as narcissists for decades, definitions vary what people refer to as the label. “Everyone calls everybody a narcissist,” says a leading researcher, adding the word is “used more than it should be” – but when it comes to a clinical identification, he believes many people hide it, as there is so much stigma linked to the disorder. An individual diagnosed will tend to have “an inflated view of oneself”, “difficulty understanding others’ feelings”, and “a strategy of using people to bolster one’s self-esteem through behaviors including pursuing power,” the expert explains. Those with NPD may be “deeply egotistical”, to the point that {“they’re not able to hold down stable relationships|“their jobs are damaged|“they have a distorted view of reality,” he emphasizes.

I’ve never cared about anyone really, so I’ve never taken relationships seriously

Variations by Gender in Narcissism

Although three-quarters of people identified as having NPD are men, findings points out this number does not mean there are fewer narcissistic women, but that female narcissism is typically appears in the covert form, which is less commonly diagnosed. Narcissistic traits in men tends to be more socially permissible, just kind of like everything in society,” says a 23-year-old who posts about her NPD and borderline personality disorder (BPD) on social media. Frequently, the two disorders co-occur.

Individual Challenges

It’s hard for me with dealing with feedback and being turned down,” she explains, since when I’m told that I am at fault, I tend to switch to self-protection or I withdraw entirely.” Although experiencing this behavior – which is sometimes referred to as “ego wounding”, she has been attempting to address it and listen to guidance from her support system, as she strives not to return into the damaging patterns of her previous life. I used to be manipulative to my partners during adolescence,” she admits. Via therapeutic interventions, she has been able to manage her condition better, and she notes she and her current boyfriend “maintain an agreement where I’ve instructed him, ‘If I say something messed up, if I say something manipulative, point it out {right then and there|immediately|in the moment’.”

Her upbringing primarily in the care of her father and explains there was an absence of positive role models during development. It’s been a process of understanding continuously the difference between suitable or harmful to say in conflicts because it wasn’t modeled for me in my formative years,” she comments. Every insult was fair game when my family members were insulting me when I was growing up.”

Root Causes of Narcissistic Traits

Conditions like NPD tend to be connected with early life adversity. “There is a genetic component,” says an expert in personality disorders. But, when someone develops narcissistic traits, it is often “connected with that individual’s particular early environment”. Those traits were “their strategy in some ways to survive at a very early age”, he states, when they may have been overlooked, or only shown love that was dependent on meeting certain expectations. They then “persist in applying those familiar tactics as adults”.

In common with many of the individuals with NPD, a person from Leeds thinks his parents “may be narcissists themselves”. The 38-year-old explains when he was a child, “the focus was always on them and their work and their social life. So it was like, keep your distance.” When their focus was on him, it came in the form of “significant demands to achieve academic success and life achievements, he recalls, which made him feel that if he didn’t achieve their goals, he wasn’t “good enough”.

When he became an adult, none of his relationships were successful. “I’ve never cared about anyone really,” he says. “So I’ve never taken relationships seriously.” He felt incapable of loving someone, until he met his long-term relationship of three years, who is diagnosed with BPD, so, in a comparable situation, finds it hard to manage emotional regulation. She is “highly empathetic of the thoughts that occur in my head”, he notes – it was surprisingly, she who first suspected he might have NPD.

Pursuing Treatment

Following an appointment to his doctor, John was referred to a therapist for an evaluation and was given the NPD label. He has been referred for psychological counseling on the public health system (a long period of therapy is the main intervention that has been proven effective NPD patients, clinicians explain), but has been on the treatment delay for 18 months: “They said it is likely to occur early next year.”

John has only told a handful of people about his condition, because “negative perceptions are widespread that every person with NPD is harmful”, but, personally, he has embraced the diagnosis. The awareness assists me to understand myself better, which is positive,” he says. Those interviewed have accepted their narcissism and are pursuing treatment for it – which is why they agree to talk about it – which is probably not representative of all people with the disorder. But the growth of individuals sharing their stories and the rise of digital groups suggest that {more narcissists|a growing number